


Jonathon.

by gushingCoolness



Series: Bungeons [1]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Death, Depression, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, War, crushing lonliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23767648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gushingCoolness/pseuds/gushingCoolness
Summary: Jonathon doing Jonathon things.someone get this man a fRieND
Series: Bungeons [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712200





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt proof read this

Jonathon was a child when the war between Abyssal and Xemnas was coming to a close, he was 5 years old when his parents were lost to the war. He was sent to the Feywild with other tiefling children and teens who were escaping the war. These tiefling that were put in Faerynn's protection were called the 'Children of Faerynn' and they grew up under her guidance. She channeled her magic into them which made them grow different then normal Pandemonium tieflings, they have powerful magic and have beautiful markings all over their bodies, they grow wings like faeries and are knowledgeable about nature and animals. Jonathan considers these other tieflings as his siblings and they were a tightly woven family. Faerynn raised them all herself, and Jonathan quickly became her favorite. She appointed him to be her assistant of sorts, and it was good. He was needed. He kept mostly to himself, but he loved what he did. he loved the people around him. 

Until Xemnas came back

He was seeking to take over the Feywild, and take revenge on the tiefling that had ran 'like cowards'. They were directed to run, but Jonathon thought that it would be a good idea to stay and help with some of the others. He was fighting off followers of Xemnas but there were too many, he got a spear through the chest and fainted from the pain. Faerynn had decided the best way to help him was to get him out of here. She Plane Shifted him to the normal plane of existence, so hopefully someone can find him and help him. She was hopeful that someone would help. In the end, she won the battle, but had lost the majority of her children. 

He woke up in Amaranths Inn.

She tended to his wounds and gave him shelter until he was able to leave on his own. She talked at him and he gave her company and helped her around the inn. He missed his family, and he missed his home. He didn't know how to get back and was frankly scared what he would see if he did. He loved helping Amaranth. he liked helping around the inn. He basically lived there with his new friend. Amaranth appreciated the help, as she had a baby on the way and really needed the help. Once he had finally settled and believed he was safe he got spotted by a follower. At that point he hadn't thought to disguise himself, ignorant to how recognizable he could be.

the follower, an orcish woman, was walking outside the inn. she spotted him tending to the counter and her eyes went wide. She beckoned a few if her friends over, and pointed inside. Jonathan hadn't thought much of that, because he was used to people fawning over his wings, but this seemed different. Their eyes were filled with hate

It wasn't long before bricks were thrown and a fire began to consume the building

He ran

He ran to the back where Amaranth was preparing dinner. "We have to get out of here"

they watched the inn burn. Amaranth weeped as she watched her livelihood- her home - be destroyed before her.

It was all his fault

Amaranth insisted it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault that these monsters had destroyed everything she had worked for

But he knew otherwise

He stayed until he could make sure Amaranth was safe

They bought a building in Versalia, a beautiful forest side town with wonderful views and beautiful flowers. Amaranth's dream home. She had said she had always wanted to live here, even since she was a little girl, and it was a wonderful place to raise a child.

He helped her rebuild, get her back on her feet

She begged him to stay, and he tried! But he suffered from constant panic attacks while on the job. Despite being in disguise he always felt a constant feeling of being watched, and that it was moments before another follower spotted him and took away everything he had. He didn't felt safe there, and set off on a journey of his own. He decided to start his own inn. "Jonathon's inn" rolled off the tongue, he thought. He figured out how to incorporate magic into the building of his new home, and soon had a magnificent Inn with a living space suited to his own.

Over the years, he had become more powerful. The inn became its own entity, he could go almost anywhere in the world whenever he pleased, he was able to manifest in any town at any time as long as an Inn was needed. It was amazing. 

Customers criticized his practices, his lack of windows, his cobwebs and his dust. But it was home, it was his. They didn't have to stay there, after all. He was finally safe, and he intended to keep it that way. 

And yet, he was lonely

but it was okay, because he was safe. If he was alone, he couldn't have his loved ones taken away again. By all means, he wasn't happy, but it didn't matter. He found joy the monotonous life of running his inn, reading his books, and living his life. If he ever got too bored, he'd seek out the occasional quest, he'd send letters to Amaranth. She never replied, because he didn't technically have an address, but he was certain she read them. 

He loved to see the various travelers and adventurers who stumbled into his Inn, he loved to hear their stories, their lives. This was his life, and he was finally safe. He could do anything.

He was alone.


	2. Panic attacks at the beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what was going through his mind?

Sobs wracked his body, the words that spewed out of his mouth were barely comprehensible through his panic

Max has left, Bas has ran

what has he done? 

oh god, they hate him. he made them sad. he made them sad like him and now everything is ruined. he ruined this good day and its all his fault and everything is crashing down and they're going to leave and everything is going wrong and

Epple smiles down at him. "hey.. hey, check this out" she points to her crab, and Jonathon pauses, only to begin to cry harder. he doesn't want to lose this. he loves them, all of them

he cant lose them all

he cant handle losing everything again

now for once he has something to care about - something to stick around for, something to look foward to everyday and now its all crashing down. everything always goes wrong

they're all going to die

Xemnas is going to come an kill all his friends and hes going to lose everything again

He takes a deep breath

calm down

its all going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shut up shut up shut up okay i was sadd and i want to give jonathon a sad


	3. Chapter 3

The loneliness was unbearable. It had been weeks since he had seen another person, or had even gone outside for that matter

It was a bad month

He had needed to go to the market, but even at the of thought going outside he gets a horrible panic, so it's easier to just prevent it. He hasn't eaten since his fridge had gone empty because of this, but it was fine. He will be fine.

He closed his inn awhile ago. The thought of strangers coming into his /home/ where he was /safe/ was terrifying. He isn't usually this bad, but the nightmares have been worse lately and he was on edge all the time. He knew he was being irrational, he knew he was being stupid, but he didn't know what else he could even do. He's been spending his days just lying on the floor, lacking the energy to do anything productive at all.

This will pass, of course, it always does. It's hard to get through alone, but he always pulls through. Everything will be okay


	4. Found

He had chosen to stay and fight with his family, fight for his home. He stayed and fought for everything he lived for.

But there was too many

It was all chaos, followers surrounded them. The blue sky and shining sun was uncalled for at this time of misery and blood.

a blow to the jaw and a spear through the chest, how could he survive this? He collapsed onto the ground and gripped the hilt of the spear. His vision waved, and he stared up at the sky, at the rolling clouds.

He went to speak, but instead of sound, blood poured out of his mouth. 

his eyes kept going in and out of focus, and he soon drifted off from reality.

His eyes were suddenly open.

It was dark, it was raining. He heard the distant sound of footsteps on the sidewalk. He couldn't move.

the pain was unbearable

his vision blurred once again, and he couldn't stay grounded in reality

"Holy shit, are you okay?!"

Yes, yes he was. Wait... no he wasn't, he had a spear through his chest. He went to chuckle, but instead of a laugh he began to cough. Copper and iron and puke and bile. Disgusting.

He's not touching the ground anymore, he thinks.

no, someone is carrying him. Maybe?

Maybe he’s flying

he cant make sense of reality.

back to black, back to dreams.

His eyes flutter open, and he's infinitely more conscious

He lays in a soft bed, the sheets pulled over him. 

He tries to sit up fast, but fails as searing pain spreads throughout his chest and down his spine.

"Fuck..."

He rises slowly, this time, and examines the room around him

There's a candle lit on the bedside table, it basks the room in a soft warm light. He shifts in the bed, and untangles himself from the sheets carefully. There's a dresser pushed up against the wall, with a large painting of a woman hanging above it. There's a rug splayed out on the floor, and a large window with its curtains drawn behind the bed he sits on. He peers out the window, rain patters outside and moonlight pours into the room.

He slowly stands up, but he has to support himself against the nightstand so that he doesn't collapse. He looks down at himself, hes shirtless and his chest is wrapped in bandages. He's still wearing his leggings, thank god. 

He regains his strength, and follows the wall to the door. He turns the handle slowly, and the door clicks open. it's unlocked, thankfully. He takes a step out into the hallway, doors line the walls until the end of the hall, where it turns out into a bigger room. He makes his way over slowly, pushing against the wall for support and trying not to bump into anything. 

He peeks around the corner, not making his way in fully in fear that it could be dangerous. He sees a woman snoozing at the counter. It's a straight-shot towards the door leading out, but he's too weak to go anywhere right now. He comes to the conclusion that he's not in danger, and if he is, it doesn't really matter. He stalks over to the counter, and taps the women on the shoulder. She jolts up, dramatically pulled away from dreamland. She looks up at him and grins wide. "You're awake! What the fuck happened to you?"

"my name is.." His voice was scratchy and hoarse. "My name is Jonathon." 

"Im Amaranth" She stands up from her chair, and puts her arm around his waist. "Here, let me help you to the kitchen. I want to talk to you" 

She was a short stout elvish woman who was very obviously pregnant. She had dark blue hair that was pulled into a tight bun, similar to how he typically wears his hair. She was older than him, and had kind eyes. She sat him down at the kitchen table.

"Coffee or tea?"

"coffee, please" she nods, and they sit in silence. Jonathon stares down at the table and just listens to the sounds of her clinking mugs and the whirring of the coffee maker. She places a mug filled with steaming black coffee in front of him, and sits at the other side of the table.

She gets straight to the point. 

"What are you?" He eyes her, not exactly understanding the question

"Like... species-wise?" she nods, and laughs nervously

"Please don't take offense to this... I've never seen anything quite like you before." 

"I'm a tiefling.. a child of Faerynn" She shakes her head up and down despite not understanding what that even meant.

"What happened to you?"

"I.. I was in battle, when I got hit." As he spoke more, he realized that he was talking with a lisp. He ran his tongue over his teeth, and it was evident a tooth was missing. "I got speared through the chest, but the rest is fuzzy after this.. Where are we?" 

She sipped her coffee. "Were in Bulivian" Jonathon looked at her with wide eyes. "Xeforos?" He continues to look at her like what she was saying was utter gibberish. "Where are you from, exactly?"

He twiddled his thumbs. "I'm from the Feywild."

Amaranth chuckled. "That explains it. You're not even from here, are you? Have you ever even been to the material plane?" Jonathon shook his head no. He's never been out of the feywild, at least from what he can remember. 

"I found you on my way home from the market. I thought I had a dead faerie boy laying in that room back there, you know" Jonathon gives her a guilty look.

"Thank you... how can i ever repay you?"

Amaranth stroked her chin dramatically. "Do you have anywhere else to go?"

Jonathon was about to say yes, but he stopped to think about it. What if he went back, and everyone he loved was dead? What if he went back, and everything he knew was destroyed? Even if he could figure out how to get back home, would it even be worth it? He slowly shook his head no, deciding to begin this new chapter in his life. 

Amaranth smiled smugly at him. "You can repay me after you heal. I'm gonna need some help around here when the baby comes, and you seem like quite the fine young man." 

Jonathon agreed hesitantly… this was going to be interesting.


	5. You are not Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jonothan has a meltdown. Epple and Bas are there too

Jonothan stands at the bathroom sink, feeling anxious. He doesn't feel like himself. He's dissociating again. This has become a problem for him in the past few years.  
He stares down at himself. He used to be so different.  
How can he call himself Jonothan? how can he call himself the same person he was just years ago? He is mean. He is insecure, he is crazy. What kind of person doesn't have windows? Crazy people. Crazy isolated people. He's riddled with insecurity. He has no meaningful relationships, he's aware his friends only tolerate him because it's convenient.

At least he's useful to them.

Can he even remember that man he was a decade ago? Can he even wear the same face, the one that smiled at his family every morning? He smiles at the mirror, looking for anything familiar, anything at all.

He sees his white skin, he never had to hide before. He never had to cover himself up with a lie. But he's grown so used to this lie. He can't bare to look at himself without it. When he sees his pretty pink skin he feels unsafe, naked. They will see and they will strike just for his mere existence.

He sees the gap in his teeth. It's nothing but a reminder. A reminder that he failed, that he couldn't protect them. That he can never wear the same smile to his family again, or anyone. That he is a survivor, out of everyone. It should've been him, He should've made his sacrifice.

His smile twists into a grimace, his face painted with disgust. Now he talks weird and he looks weird and acts weird. He is nothing like that man he was years ago. He is now ugly and isolated and disgusting and alone.

He misses his family.

Jonothan shakes his head, trying to pull himself out of this hole. He's fine.

He swings the bathroom door open. Right now he needs to go to his room. He walks out to the living room, and scans the room. He frowns, it's so much more barren then he would want. He prefers green and life and warmth and he can imagine so many wonderful plants and flowers to have in here but.. even with being a druid, plants need the sun.

The sun. Jonothan misses the sun.

He trudges to the couch, collapsing onto it. He's dramatically laying across the couch. He doesn't _feel_ like going to his room.  
It's too much work. He wants to talk to his friends, become himself without the guilt. Too bad, they're sleeping right now. It's like, 3am.  
The fire breathes in the fireplace, crackling and consuming the logs. It's usually nice, it usually warms his face and his hands and makes him feel safe.  
But tonight is different, it's one of these nights. He has nights like this more frequent then he'd like to admit. The sound of fire reminds him of pain, of the fire that consumed his home. How he almost lost Amaranth.

Amaranth… he basically has lost her. Sure they're 'distant' friends but is that even a thing? He never speaks to her. She sends him letters and he tries to reply but it's hard. Even after all these years, he can't face her without the guilt. It was his fault that she lost her home.

Just the act of existing put her in danger

And he's putting his friends in danger right now

Oh god

Tears are pouring down his face. He knows he has to let himself feel things, to let the feelings pass through him (like Amaranth used to tell him to do when he was a little worse for wear) but it's just so hard not to feel weak.

He lets himself cry, and tries not to spiral. "Today is just one of those days, you'll be fine tomorrow" he tells himself

The urge to leave is there, to run away, leave these people. He knows they're in danger and he knows he will have to watch them die one way or another. He knows they will leave.

He's not strong enough to do that again.

The floor creaks behind him, and Jonothan shoots up, almost sure it's a Follower. They're here for him. They're here to kill him and his friends and take everything away again. How did they find him? He doesn't want to die. His heart is beating fast, he's freaking out.

Its Epple.

She stands there, unmoving, a wildly confused look on her face. The hell she just walk into?

Neither of them breathe. Neither of them move. Jonothan is staring through her with wide eyes, his expression defined with fear and bewilderment.

Epple finally breaks the silence. “Uhh, are you okay?” She is very awkward. She is NOT equipped to deal with situations like this.

Jonothan stares at her blanky, before shaking his head, and abruptly sitting back down on the couch, not saying a word. He silently hopes that she will ignore him, and do whatever it is she came here to do.

She shrugs to herself, anxiety and worry bubbles in her throat, but she shrugs it off for now. She walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge, pulling out a bottle of mustard and squeezing it directly into her mouth. The sweet golden substance slides down her gullet, and she swallows triumphantly, savoring the delicacy. She has now satisfied her craving for the angelic yellow sauce, so she walks back out into the living room, but She stops in her tracks when she sees Jonothan again.

He’s curled up in a little ball at the end of the couch, he is making sure not to look up. He is simply waiting for her to leave. He didn't want her to see him in this state.

She approaches, very unsure and dreading the actions she's about to take. She sits at the other side of the couch. Jonothan perks his head up. His face is red with tears and he looks tired. He doesn't say anything, he just stares at her. Epple sighs, she does not want to do this but she can't just ignore him. “So like… wanna tell me what's up, sport?” Jonothan rolls his eyes. It's not a fucking joke. He wishes it was a joke.

“No. Go to sleep” He gestures to the stairs. He wants her to go away. This isn't a fun rambunctious time. He’s kind of freaking out right now. Epple shakes her head stubbornly.

“No way, sleep is for the weak!” She is staying out of pure spite, it's not like she cares or anything. Definitely not. She watches him expectantly. Jonothan breathes in deep, trying to eliminate the shake in his voice.

“It's.. nothing out of the ordinary. Just a bad night” Epple nods. She's had her fair share of bad nights.  
“You looked so scared, y'know? Didn't know I looked that scary” Epple tries to keep it light-hearted. She doesn't really know how to handle situations like this, so she's just trying to cheer him up?

Jonothan stares at her. No change in his expression. He shakes his head, and gestures towards the stairs again. “You should really go to sleep.”

Epple shakes her head. They sit in silence.

They sit in silence just staring at each other. Epple counts the seconds, and looks around the room awkwardly, giving her eyes anything to do. But jonothan just keeps staring. Something is going through his head, and Epple is determined to cheer him up, dammit! Or at least help in any way she can. “Wanna tell me what's going on?” her voice is more assertive. This is a choice but she is pushing for a real answer this time

Jonothan blinks. “It's nothing..., okay?” His voice cracks. “It's always nothing. Nothing is going on all of the time.” Epple stares. Jonothan has begun rambling.  
“It's just.. Nothing ever stays. Everyone is going to die again and you all are going to die one way or another and there's nothing i can do and there's nothing i can ever do and i'm gonna lose everything again and I cant handle that and-” All of the words spill out of his mouth at once and he feels like he's going to explode and tears are pouring out of his eyes and he cant control himself and he's shaking and breathing way too fast and  
Epple stares at him wide-eyed.

That was easier than she thought it would be. She doesn't know whether to feel proud or feel bad. This man is literally crying and shaking in front of her. Damn bro that's rough. She reaches out to awkwardly pat his back a little, unsure if touch is okay or not right now, especially since she acts like it’s such a big deal normally. Right now, she sort of wishes she hadn’t started that whole shtick, but it’s too late to take it back now. Much too late. She pats him just a little.

“Well i mean… I have been in your shoes. Sort of. Also literally. They suck they are way too big for me-” She stops herself and shakes her head, trying to calm herself down and be more serious. “Sorry- I’m sorry, it’s hard for me to do stuff like this just give me a moment.”

Jonothan rubs his face vigorously, and glares in her direction. “Then don’t. Just go back upstairs, and leave it alone” He is literally being a little shit.

Epple groans and collapses back against the couch, scrubbing her face with her paw. “Just give me a second. Fantasy Rome wasn’t built in a day.” She breathes out then pushes herself up, INTENSE. She levels with him. Jonothan doesn't speak. She obviously isnt leaving, so he just waits for her to satisfy herself and fucking leave. He can't do this with her right now. “Okay. I.. Like, I know what you mean. I know I must seem pretty aloof? But I get what you mean. I… It’s hard to know things aren’t permanent, especially friends and people. It feels like everyone i have ever cared about has left in someway, and they might do it again- THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME!!” She breathes out again.

Jonothan stares at her. She kind of just did the same thing he himself did but in a more low-key way. “I can't just ignore it like you can. It’s constantly on my mind and I can't stop thinking about it even if I really want to. I’m in a constant state of anxiety because I know you all are gonna leave in one way or another and I can't do it again. I can’t.!” He wipes his eyes with his sleeve, he is in a very emotional state right now and it's embarrassing. “I didn't choose to care, I tried not to but… I can't control it. I grew attached. Its my burden to deal with so you should just” He gestures again to the fucking stairs “go to sleep”

Epple is listening but doesn’t budge, frowning at him. “No. I don’t ignore it but that’s besides the point, what matters is that we are shaking hands. Paws. Whatever. I’m not going to sleep until you also are going to sleep because fuck you thats why.” Jonothan falls silent, and just stares at her. He is processing what she just said in his head. Does it really matter that they are ‘shaking hands’? Doesn't that just make it worse? Epple starts again, “Listen. I’m saying that I wanna like, hear you out I guess. You can ramble if you want or something, I know that helps people sometimes? Is what i'm trying to say. In a fucked up and convoluted way I guess.” She reclines back to the coach a little and looks at him sort of expectantly.

Bas has clogged her toilet. She needs the plunger. It is in the storage closet. She is sitting on the stairs, hiding and listening for a break in this heavy conversation for her to ask for a plunger. She is cringing incredibly hard at Epple’s words. Stop fucking talking. She desperately wants to join in to comfort her friend but she doesn’t want to invade his privacy. She sits.

Jonothan stares into Epple’s eyes. He doesn't know what he wants to say. He truly can’t tell if shes fucking with him or not anymore. This is pointless. He chooses to stay silent. Epple sighs a little and leans back, just sitting here. She can wait. She sort of wishes she hadn’t opened her mouth at all. This always happens.

Bas is caught between a rock and a hard place. She wants to leave and let them shake hands or whatever, but this conversation desperately needs some social lubricant. If she joins, it will be awkward. If she leaves, it will be awkward. She exists in the silence. Maybe it’s over?

Jonothan breathes in, and sighs. He does actually feel a little better. Having a real tangible person around has helped. “Thank you. You did help, I feel better. You can go to sleep now. I really don't need to ramble or anything, it's fine now” He is very insistent that it is fine, that he's fine.

Epple raisea brow. “If.. You say so. I’m not leaving you alone though so uh. Boo yah I'm sleeping on the couch with you!” She really isn’t convinced that he’s fine, but leaves it be. She feels like she must have stepped over some sort of boundary. Instead of going upstairs to sleep, she just curls up with her head really close to Jonothan and falls asleep on the couch.

Bas sighs. It’s not fine, damn idiot. She stands, walking out into the room. “I need a plunger.” She is tired and wants to sleep, but needs to be in this conversation somehow.

Jonothan looks up at Bas in surprise. “Oh! It's uh, it's in the closet. Do you need me to get it for you?”

“Nah, I got it. You should get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Bas walks to the closet and goes in, pulling a rickety string to a flickering light (fuck your inn). She grabs the plunger and goes back into the living room. “Listen, you obviously don’t want to talk about it and I respect that, but you can’t live in fear of people dying. I know how that is and I’m trying to understand it myself, but if you keep loving people, there will always be someone to help you up if you fall down. Everyone doesn’t always die. I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. I do plan on sleeping, though. You should too.” She goes to the stairs and pauses to see if he wants to put a word in.  
He stares at her, slowly processing her words. His brain is kind of slow right now. He nods, and only says one thing “Sure.”  
Bas goes to bed. She doesn’t even plunge the toilet. Too tired. She places the plunger in front of the bathroom door so she remembers in the morning.

Jonothan sits there, Epple is resting her head against him. He stares down at her. He doesn't know what to think of tonight. It was pretty useless, but he does feel kind of better. He knows he can't live life being constantly afraid but it's hard to change emotion. He knows he won't sleep tonight. He usually can't sleep anywhere but his bed. He just sits there for the rest of the night, feeling better. God is he tired.


End file.
